How does this affect your life?

When Dolly came up for sale, I knew I couldn't let anyone else buy her. I had to have her.

I never felt afraid of the commitment of owning a horse. All that mattered was not letting Dolly go elsewhere.

For the first time in my life I planned. I asked questions about costs. I made it happened and I bought her.

When I told Neil I was buying her, I never doubted myself.

This was the first real decision I had ever made for myself., without asking for other people's opinions or for permission.

Dolly was the first decision where I listened to my heart, and fear never held me back.

Fear is not real.

It is a state of mind that we create when we perceive danger which will not really hurt us.

Things that we may fear:



Making a mistake,

stepping out of our comfort zone,

 change,

learning and having to change how we do things,

being deserted,

growing old,

 being left alone,

speaking our truth against the crowd,

upsetting our loved ones because we are different

Danger is real.

If anything I suggest on this site would seriously and truthfully put you in physical danger from some kind of violence, then please do NOT do it.

You need to get outside, professional help from people who are more qualified and equipped to help you in a definite physical way.

 I once went for hypnotherapy to try and stop me being afraid when riding Dolly.

The hypnotist told me that she could only partially help me.

She explained that she could only help me with my confidence to help me relax when riding Dolly, as I am a decent rider and should not fall off on a normal ride. Thus I had an irrational fear of falling off. 

As I was also afraid that if I fell off I would hurt myself and be unable to work and care for Dolly, she would not be able to help me with that.

The fear of hurting myself if I fell was fear of a real danger that could cause me harm and my brain would know the difference.

False Evidence Appearing Real

I love this acronym.

Fear is when we convince ourselves that something will harm us, but will never actually do us any physical harm.

The things we fear may make us feel uncomfortable,

or we may think that we will be embarrassed;

but they will not physically harm us.

I know that my fear has held me back a lot in my life and stopped me doing a lot of things that would have helped me progress.

Maybe you are thinking that you are not afraid of anything,

so this may seem irrelevant to you.

I will say to you, how will you feel when you succeed?

Many of us don't understand that we are actually afraid of success or what success may bring.

Success may bring change.

Success may change your lifestyle.

Success may change you.

Success may change your relationships with your loved ones

Now, it is OK to fear these changes.

In fact, it is natural.

As I said, fear comes from perceived harm;

what you need to figure out is what you are perceiving as harm to make you fearful.

My main fear, when I felt I wanted to be more successful in life, was that I would have to change into someone I would not like. I started an MLM business but decided that although my up-line was successful; I felt there training methods were not honest. By only highlighting the best bits, they were misleading people into thinking they did not need to invest as much time and money as was practically required. I felt the people I was trying to sign up did not have the capacity required and as such were wasting their money. The argument was, that if they were committed enough, they would make it and I should not judge. I understood that, but I still could not bring myself to train like that, so I quit.

Did I fail?

Well, I am not out there earning the big money so yes, you could say I failed. Am I lamenting the failure?

NO! Because I stuck to my inner beliefs.

I am telling you this, to show you, that to succeed, you do not have to lose your inner beliefs.

You should stay true to yourself and find something to succeed in that is in line with your thoughts and beliefs.

This is following your heart.

To change your life you do not have to change YOU.

This is about finding the real you!

Then changing your life to your dream lifestyle.

Sometimes we struggle with things, because this is not who we are.

If something is not in line with your inner values,

you will never be happy doing it.

So when you know that what you want to do is in line with who you really are, you do not need to fear the changes.

Now I am aware that there are a lot of people out there doing jobs they hate and I am not suggesting for one minute that they all jack the job and start something else. We all need to earn a wage especially now.

What I am suggesting though, is that if you are one of these people, then you should find out what would make you happy and then find a way to make that happen.



That is what I am here to help you do.

Maybe it is not the job itself that is making you unhappy but the work environment or the people you are working with.

In this case you do not need to change the work you do just the place you are doing it and the people you are doing it with.

If it is the work then maybe you could do the same work in a different way, so looking for a way into another career path in the same type of work might be the way to go.

Maybe it is not work but a relationship that is making you unhappy. Again I am not suggesting you just up and leave. It's usually not that easy anyway. Maybe what is needed is not a brake up just some renegotiation of the way things are. A decent conversation may reveal that your partner is feeling the same. Not because you do not love each other but because you have slipped into a rut. Possibly a very comfortable rut, but this could mean that there is no excitement in your lives. Everything is so predictable and you are looking at each other as boring. This is naturally a very scary conversation to have because you cannot know how your partner may react.

As I said making changes is all about looking at choices and believing change can happen. Maybe a conversation is not the answer. How about planning a holiday? Maybe even the holidays are predictable, so suggest something different and more exciting. The change may be exactly what your partner is looking for in you.

There is a lovely old song called Escape by Rupert Holmes which explains this so well. The guy was bored with his relationship and read an add asking " do you like Pina Colada, and getting caught in the rain?" there was other stuff that sounded exciting, so he wrote a reply and went to meet the stranger. When he arrived at the rendezvous he immediately recognised his lady. They laughed and found that they were both just looking for some excitement not looking for someone new.

To encourage you to face your fears I saw this wonderful post from a lady on Facebook; which I loved so much, I asked if I could use it here on my site, and she agreed.

She posted this. 

"I’ve been having a really difficult time with myself recently, and been wondering what to do about my relationship with my live in partner, as I’d not been happy for quite some time.

The essence of the difficulty was that I didn’t feel he shared enough responsibility for our household expenses and the decision making.  I was feeling like his mother and fed up with it.  At the same time I was reluctant to call it a day.

Without going into lots of detail, after months of self reflection and angsting about what to do, months of sleepless nights thinking how to change things for the better, and during a particularly rough patch last autumn, I took myself off for two weeks to stay with my brother & SiL who live abroad (lucky me I know).  The OH wasn’t best pleased but I decided that wasn’t the most important thing…this was a eureka moment.

I came back determined to stop being the Mummy and start being me. I realised that I had changed how I thought and how I lived to accommodate him, and I’d gone too far, and that was the problem.  So, heeding the saying about you can’t change others but you can change yourself, I’ve started to live my life as I did before I met him (I’d lived as a single parent and carer for my parents in the preceding years and always looked after myself).  This means I don’t put him at the centre of all my decision making anymore.

The transformation in me, and to a certain degree him too, has been very positive.  At last he’s starting to organise his time himself and not rely on me.  At last I’ve started doing things for myself, and myself alone, and sometimes saying No when I want time to myself.  He’s started to do the shopping and doing more around the house, and doing things in his own sometimes.  He’s stopped asking each morning “what are we doing today then” as if it’s my responsibility.  I’ve started getting up in the morning when I feel like it, rather than when suits him (we don’t share a room anymore - I have back/neck issues and he’s a light sleeper - sharing a room went by the by a long time back for practical reasons).  He brings me toast in bed if I want it!!!  If I don’t feel like cooking of an evening because I’m not hungry I leave him to get something for himself.  I’m going away at least twice this year without him (different girlfriends instead).

The relief is immense, and I feel a huge burden lifted.  It’s still not the relationship I’d hoped for, we’re more like house mates than a couple, but it’s liveable with, and that’s a huge improvement.  Onwards and upwards."

She may not have the relationship she wants but now she knows who she is again and who knows what changes will happen in the future. The point is that she had the epiphany to realise that she had to change before anything else could. She took responsibility for letting the relationship slip into something she did not want and she had the strength to change herself and to stop feeling it was all his fault.

This is why I am teaching you these life skills. Many of us are not taught to protect ourselves as we grow up and to stay true to ourselves. Sometimes we do not even understand who we are because we grow up being told what to do and how to act. Knowing who we are and being that person is the main reason for our inner happiness. If we are fighting against who we are , even subconsciously we will never truly be happy.

Your fear may come from any angle, like me with the fear of riding Dolly. Make sure you have correctly identified the fear and the real danger before choosing your path of action.

When you have a plan, know what you need to achieve and feel able to do it (even if only to start) then you need to set some goals.

If you are still struggling with your fear then get more information about your problem. Surround yourself with facts and give yourself the tools to make a decision . Then you need to find confidence and self belief, to make a plan and move forward.