Life Before Dolly

I had been through two controlling relationships and when my partner of 20 years passed away I found myself lost.

I had been told what to do and think for so long that I didn't know what I wanted.

I met my now lovely husband (Mr Mitchell) in a chat room and started a happier life with him.

However 25 years of control had taken it's toll.

Previous bullying at work left me crying at the thought of getting a job and I was terrified I would wake up in the morning back in my old life.

Having sold my house and moved to a new area with money in the bank, my new doctor assumed I was just a spoilt rich brat and never realised I was severely depressed.

As I spoke to my brother in tears he asked "What do you want to do with your life ?"

I replied without thinking, "! want to ride a horse.

"When he said, "well go do it."

I couldn't understand why it sounded so easy.

I had ridden as a child and dreamed of owning my own pony.

Little did I know where that conversation would lead when I booked a riding lesson.

Meeting Dolly

After riding weekly for about 6 months, I was going early to groom and tack up. I was surprised how much I remembered from my childhood and I loved being around the horses.

Then one day a new horse was stood in the end stable and I instantly felt drawn to her. 

She was slightly bigger than the normal cobs and had  a real presence as she stood looking out of the stable.

Her name was Dolly and I was so happy to find I was riding her that day.

She was a real dream to ride and her trot lifted me from the saddle and saved my out of condition body a lot of effort, just landing gently to be carried up again once more.

I had never been good at cantering but I loved a good trot and Dolly was like a soft bouncy cushion to ride.

I lost my heart that day and when she came up for sale In the June, I just knew I couldn't let anyone else have her so I had to buy her

Dolly's first lesson

I spent a lot of time with Dolly after I bought her and she was not a "nice" horse in the stable. She would turn her back on me when I went in with the grooming brush, and throw her head high in the air so that I couldn't reach her ears. She really didn't like being groomed and I was as gentle as I could be because I wanted this horse to enjoy our time together. She just wanted me to leave her alone. She was a wise girl for her years. She knew that the yard people wouldn't stand her nonsense and so she had put up with them.

Now she knew I had a kind heart but she saw me as weak and so she would try to push me around. I had to learn fast to outsmart her evasion and it all seamed like a game.

It took me a while to realise what she was telling me. Eventually I learned about boundaries and personal space, but not until after I learned that she couldn't cope with my stress.

This is me on Dolly with my back protector under my coat and carrying the fear that haunted me after I had a few falls. I had been told to sell her as I would never ride her again. I was never going to sell her and was determined to prove them wrong

Owning Dolly was never going to be a happy ever after, fairy tale.

Owning Dolly

Owning Dolly was a journey of learning and self discovery, 

I had her in my life for just ten years and in that time we moved yards four times, met various horse people, were given lots of advice good and bad. Sometimes we had lovely rides together, sometimes I took her for walks in hand, I just loved being with her.

Most of the time I was struggling to learn how to be around her and all horses.

I was a pretty adrenalin charged person, always swapping from over the moon to worried and stressing over everything. I guess I was what they now call bipolar but I had only ever been to the doctor when I couldn't cope.  Dolly (and all horses) only run on adrenalin when stressed. When they sense adrenalin in others they read it as fear and so go into flight mode themselves. Dolly was a pretty laid back horse but she still didn't like my stressed energy and would refuse to let me ride her if I was stressed. 

Every day with Dolly was another life lesson but mostly she just wanted me to be at peace and still the whirlwind in my mind.

I knew I was getting it right when I could sit on her bareback

Her lessons were many and she changed my life forever.

Losing Dolly