Flash was a nine-year-old Irish leisure horse who could not be ridden.

He was unpredictable and therefore dangerous as he would explode and throw you off for no reason and with no warning. His owner was knowledgeable and empathic and had restarted Flash from basics only to find that while accepting all the training he would still just “lose it”. He had been checked for back problems and tack problems and had different people look at him including a revered horse trainer and communicator and it had been decided that his problems are more mental than physical,

and so at such a tender age once a replacement had been found for the owner then for safety and as a kindness to him (to avoid him being passed around by people who would try to retrain and ride him, and then get hurt) that he should be put to sleep and I am sure most horse people would agree with that.

Having met Flash, I was offered the chance to spend some time with him on the ground. Finding him a loving soul, and feeling that Dolly had brought him to me, I thought it would be nice to bond again with a horse - the first time I have felt like this since losing Dolly. “The horses always find you, when the time is right”.

I had been told I could have him if I wanted when the time came on the assurance that I never tried to ride him, and people that know me, know riding is not my ‘be all and end all with horses’. However, I was not stupid and in my financial position taking him on would have been crazy, but I was drawn to this horse. I felt his pain and having seen how nervous he could be in what should have been normal surroundings I wanted to help him find peace within himself. I believed his dangerous behaviour was caused by flash backs from his early rough training and he couldn't warn you because he didn’t know himself until it happened.

In this horse I saw me, many years ago before I met my now husband and before I met Dolly. In a previous relationship my partner was basically a bully. Things were done his way or not at all. Oh of course it didn’t start like that, it never does but the end result was that I became ‘trained’. I learned what not to do when he was unhappy. I learned not to fight back as it ended in pain and I learned what it was like to live trying to guess what was expected of you so that you didn’t get punished. In effect I experienced the same trauma as a horse experiences when he is trained with a whip. I’ll explain:

Many years ago I heard or read this and I do not recall which of the many people I have learned from originally said it. “Imagine when you are young you are taken from everyone you know or love. You are taken to a strange place, surrounded by strangers and you cannot understand what they are saying. They want you to do things but you do not understand what, so you try to guess, however, if what you do is not what they want, they hit you and then tell you again but you still don’t know what you should be doing, so you try to guess again and again and if you do it wrong they hit you.” For most of us this would be a nightmare scenario but the truth is that a lot of horses have suffered this form of training and worse, for hundreds of years, and that is why I felt Flash’s pain and why I wanted to bring him peace.

I can hear you all thinking ‘so why did this arrogant woman think she could do something no-one else could? It is foolhardy and dangerous to work with an unpredictable horse,’ and yes I totally agree. I have asked myself this many times. I told myself it was a foolish venture to start and to bond with another horse for only a short time when I knew I could not afford to take him on and I knew his time was limited but my heart did not listen! He needed me. When I told him, I was not for him as I will be in my seventies when he is an old boy I felt him say “It doesn’t matter Mum”, and so I  embarked on the journey to help him with the things I know from within about being trained with pain. Offering him peace and trust with no agenda, no expectations, just love and peace and "being" together.

The progress we made surprised me . So I have created this page, in the hope that people can learn from the lessons I feel Flash had for me.

Getting to Know Each Other.

When I first spoke to Flash he was so sweet. He covered me in soft muzzle kisses and was looking for treats. I told him I had no treats. I came with only love. He kissed me some more. All these gelding kisses were a wonder to me. Dolly had been a harsh teacher and being around geldings all the time since she has gone made me realise that she was a madam and a very mareish mare and no wonder people have geldings!

Dolly was stubborn, pushy, and could be down-right rude. If she stood on your foot it was no accident, she knew exactly what she was doing, you had upset her and she was getting her point across. She knew when to stand on the hose when you were bathing her and move so that you got drenched. She would drink from the hose but when she had done she would use her nostril to shower it back at you. She would not be told you had to ask nicely! A stranger could tell her and she would do it a couple of times but then watch out! She was never a ‘bad’ horse but she was the queen of evasion and if she did not want to do something she would avoid it with every trick in the book. She could buck but preferred a rocking horse action that would disorientate the rider until they fell off as it used less energy. She was a slow reacting horse to danger but she was not slow. I loved and was frustrated by, every game and trick she had up her sleeve and it kept me on my toes but when you got it right she was adorable, willing, kind and loving and she was always at the gate waiting to be caught.

I decided that the best way to get to know Flash was to groom him. He lived out with no rug so his body was out, but mane and tail were fair game. I went in the stable with a comb and some detangler as he was eating his dinner. It was soon obvious he wasn’t comfy with eating and grooming together so I just stood by the door and let him eat. I spent time getting my hand near his neck and realised that things were much scarier in the stable for him. I worked slowly and calmly and we got his mane detangled and looking lovely as he realised I wasn’t just going to yank through the mud and knots. When he let me work on his forelock I was honoured. I thanked him and left it at that for the day – he was in for the night – with just a treat to say goodbye.

The next day I tied him outside and washed the mud off his tail. Working cautiously and watching his mood all the time he was much less nervous about what I was going to do outside the stable. I dunked the bottom of his tail in a bucket, changing the water 3 times before the mud was gone, then we went in the stable out of the cold wind. Once inside the stable he was more nervous again backing up as I walked towards his tail. I walked back to the door and let him come back in his own time and once he was relaxed I went to comb his mane and found him as nervous as the day before. Working quietly, he was soon OK with that but as it had been tidy and took no time he did not want me to do his forelock. However, I was now down his side and so was able to gradually get to his tail. This took time patience and a lot of watching his eye and body language for the slightest sign of discomfort.

 I knew from my personal experience that he still didn’t know me so he thought I would treat him as he was treated badly before. All kindness shown to him since was irrelevant because although other people had been kind they have still caused him to have flashbacks on occasions and so in his mind they can still not be totally trusted not to hurt him. This is not a judgement on those other people. They were doing normal things not realising that normal to them and every other horse person was not normal to Flash. Having had flashbacks and panic attacks I know that the connections are tenuous. I suffered panic attacks after being bullied at work. These attacks started after I had left the job to relieve my psychosomatic illness. The panic attacks always hit me whilst out shopping. Why? I had worked in an office, the bullying had nothing to do with shopping. The best answer I can give is that decision making whilst out doing the shopping on a small budget, can be stressful. As soon as I started to feel slightly stressed my brain would go into panic mode. I would struggle to hold myself together and dash for the checkout. As soon as I was served I would take the trolley to the car park gripping it hard and shaking as I held myself together only to burst into tears as soon as I was safely in the car.

In Flash he had obviously had things done to him in his stable which he did not understand or which had hurt him. It was generally agreed he had been roughly handled as a youngster. He may have been confused and not done the right thing and been hit to make him behave. The treatment he had doid not have to be repeated to cause him stress, any situation where he did not understand what was happening could cause him stress – much quicker than with a normal horse. I was later told that when he came to his home his tail had been completely pulled. Something as normally accepted as that could have caused him pain and the bad memories of the pain would make him nervous and wary of what is being done to his tail especially by a relative stranger like me. So I consider myself very honoured that after about an hour I was grooming his tail while he was relaxed enough to eat his hay.

All the time I was with Flash i was in the moment. Concentrating on his actions and looking for signs of mental discomfort before they become stress and keeping my energy calm and non preditory. Standing quietly by him and showing him slowly what I was about to do. Letting him see the tools, the comb the bucket of water. letting him sniff it and even take a drink (it was clean with no shampoo). I aproached him always aware that he had the right to know what I was going to do with him and the right to object. It was then my task to work quietly with him to show him that I meant him no harm and let him decide that it was OK.

I got such a feeling from him of a lost little boy. He seemed to have no confidence of the unknown and would wind himself up into believing that the most normal thing was a threat to him. There was noise across a couple of fields while he was in his stable and although I was with him he stomped back and forth to the door to look and circled repeatedly. He became oblivios of me and I left the stable and waited for the noise to stop and him to start to settle before approaching him even over the door. His adrenalin level was high and he had lost any consideration for me so all I could do was step away. With time I hoped he would learn that I am a place of safety and he could trust me to protect him but this could be a long process as it meant him reprogramming his own emotions. With Dolly I could do anything with her or around her in her stable, I could sit in the corner and sleep and I would be safe. I laughed when evening light made a tree trunk scarey and she hid behind me for safety as we walked past it. I took this for granted with Dolly. If I had an agenda for Flash it was to win his trust so that he too felt that way about me. It would not happen overnight.

​The Perfect Saturday and What it Taught Me.

Visiting Flash on a Saturday afternoon it was a dry and not too cold January day. The wind was calm, and the yard was quiet. I think everyone was out or busy indoors. The fields around were quiet and Flash's owner had left too having done all her jobs and riding in the morning. I took him down to the school and he was lovely and relaxed.

I had read a post on Facebook which had reminded me the importance of energy in communication with horses. I admit I talk too much (yes those who know me can stop laughing now - I know that is an understatement), so I decided to try free lunging with little or no words. Flash reverted to his instincts so easily that if I got me signals and messages right it should be easy for him.

I started by leading him round on the lead rope to establish our connection. When he shadow walked and stopped without any signal from me but stopping myself, then I knew I had his attention so I removed his head collar. I used my left hand to imitate leading away and my right hand and arm (holding his head collar and rope) to create some pressure behind to ask him to move forward, not much pressure was required and he started to walk in a circle around me about 12 feet away (the length of his rope). He was following his learned behaviour on the rope because he understood this. I raised the energy behind him by raising my body taller and just a slight wave with my right hand. He started to trot and stayed on his circle. Lovely! Bringing energy down is always harder with an animal so I I dropped my height a little, and my right arm, he continued to trot. I tried the calming "prrrrr" which made no difference and "walk". Admitting I didn't have much luck with this on the rope I dropped my shoulders and turned away in the direction he was heading. As I knew he would he instantly turned and slowed and came to stand by my shoulder. Amazing!!!!!!

I gave him a well-earned treat and a stroke and then raised my shoulders and energy and asked him to lead off the other way round. I knew he had been stiff on this side and may not want to but he walked off lovely onto the circle. Again I raised my energy to ask for the trot and again he immediately responded. I brought him back to me the same as before and made a big fuss of him and of course gave him his well-earned treat. We walked to the gate, I put his head collar on and we went in.

We had not been out very long, he had not done 20 minutes of lunging working his hocks and back, we didn't do any other groundwork. He had probably only done about half a dozen circles in all. I do not advocate running a horse on a small circle for the exercise as I believe it puts a lot of angular stress on the legs and back. The task was not about exercise or hard work, although the bits we had done had helped free him up a bit and he could have done with losing a bit of weight. The task was exactly what it had been. Could I communicate with him with body language and energy alone? The answer was a resounding "yes". I praised him, when really he was just listening to the language and I was pleased with myself because his actions showed I had used clear, precise signals that he could happily follow. He was happy to do the circles as he knew that was what was expected, and my energy had been enough to signal but low enough not to be predatory and chase him away. My only regret was that I hadn't captured it on video because it was so perfect.

 I don't know how amazing or matter of fact this sounds to other people, I only know that to me it was something so special. To communicate with a half a tonne animal without a word, so that it does as you ask. There iwas no control here, he was free in a large school or menage, no round pen to hinder his escape if my energy was predatory, no rope to hold him back and make him listen. No fear of punishment if he chose not to do this. He did it because he understood what I asked of him, and he wanted to play this game. He came to me as soon as I dropped my energy and let him back in. He trusted me and wanted to be with me. He was not distracted and did not run off down the school looking at other things. He was tuned into me and what I asked, and he did it willingly. To me that is trust, communication and understanding. To me that is the pinnacle of any relationship.

To show how perfect this actually was I have a video of Dolly and I doing this same thing some years ago. You can see the communication in this video and how Dolly, as I thought at the time "had her own opinions". It took her a while to get on a circle and once there she chose her own speed, but watching my actions I did many things differently and so I got different results and even if you don't know or like horses this is an amazing way to understand why people do not react to us the way we think they should.

Watch the video here and read my explanation for her actions. It is very enlightening.

1. I did not lead her initially so that she understood I wanted her attention, we did lots of other liberty play in the school so I had not made it clear what was required.

2 I was not focused on my energy, even though I thought at the time I was. My body language was saying "go on then, when you are ready" because it wasn't a focused aim and so she did not recognise I wanted her to do something, so she did what she wanted.

3. She came back to me when I called her and then she started to realise I was actually wanting her to do something, but she still did not really understand what, so she guessed. That was when she started to try to do what I asked but I was not clear and so she did not guess right straight away, because unlike with Flash we had not done circling on the rope that often, so it was not a default guess for her like it was for Flash. He knew what to do because it was what we did. I did so many things with Dolly, she had to run through them until she found the one I wanted because I was not clear.

4. She held back when coming to me because she was expecting me to send her away and I had to really drop my energy to get her to come right up to me.

5 Finally she got it right as best as she understood.

Watch the Video

Watching this video really shows me how my energy and lack of focus confused my horse. She was very willing to try but my training was so erratic she had to guess what I was asking and I was very lucky we had such a bond. If I had been like this with Flash he would have found everything so confusing he could well have blown a fuse, reverted to his instincts and built up so much adrenaline he would have galloped around like a maniac and proved himself unpredictable.

Unfortunately Flash ran out of time. His replacement was found and despite my newly revived efforts to turn Dolly Communication into a business it was too little too late for him. I was unemployed and taking him on would have been irresponsible as I did not have the resources to look after him. So Flash was put to sleep on 1st May 2018.

This may seem harsh but compared to the life he would have had, it was by far the kindest option and not taken lightly by his owner. He would not be ridden but most people still believe this is the only value in a horse. They would have said he could be retrained and ridden and Flash would take the training and then randomly throw people off. The fact that his random actions could seriously hurt someone was a risk his owner did not want to take. He had all the tests and the retraining and by repeatedly refusing to be ridden he would be passed around to worse and worse homes and possibly ending up being exported across Europe to be used for meat which is not a good end for any animal.

I fully respect and understand his owner's choice and yet again Flash has left me a lesson. Had I been better organised, more focused, and procrastinated less due to lack of self-belief, my business plans would have been earning money instead of still being plans and I would have hhad the resources to take Flash and give him the loving home he deserved as a non ridden horse. Flash brought me a message from Dolly to make this happen. He showed me the choices available to me. To stand up and be counted or to fall by the wayside and fail only because I did not get up and try again. He gave his life to show me the consequences of my actions and make me realise that my procrastination was stopping me helping so many people as well as him. So now I am up and fighting and Dolly Communication will grow and become known and help people as it was always meant to.